Domestic...almost

In a few weeks I will be a home owner. This fact both terrifies and amazes me.  My husband and I have spent years fantasizing about the time when we could paint the walls of our dwelling any color we want, have a yard to mow and prune, and vacuum even after “quiet” hours.  It is surreal to me that in less than a month I will have a home to call my own.

I have fantasized for many hours about the things that I will do in my home, the weight I will lose in my new home, the creative things I will do in my new home, how clean I will keep my new home, how early I will wake up in my new home, the great food I will make in my new home…the list goes on and on and on. For some strange reason I have it stuck in my head that when I am a home owner I will magically transform from the person I am to an amazing (thin) domestic goddess. Realistically I know this is not true. Owning a home will not change who I am as a person. I will not suddenly become an early riser or a great cook, but I will probably worry more about the weather, the furnace, the pipes, and ::shudders:: ice dams.  Suddenly my mother’s perverse obsession with the weather channel makes perfect sense…when you own a home you own the problems.

As I relish in these last few days of renting bliss (our dishwasher exploded and was replaced, for free, within 24 hours) I find myself worrying about the unforeseen appliances that could, in essence, explode in my new home that I will be responsible for. I also worry about my husband falling through the ceiling when he decides to insulate the attic and all these worries will most assuredly give me an ulcer…so perhaps I will get skinny after all…remember folks there is always a silver lining.

Until next time,

The (almost) domestic goddess  

Familia

Family…everyone has them. They are filled with kind hearted people, slackers, hard workers, alcoholics, hoarders, serial killers, freakshows, midgets, giants, young, old, genius, stupid, and the criminally insane.  Families are motley crews that can consist merely of a husband and wife or extend to great- great grandparents and thousands of first, second, and third cousins.  I was blessed/cursed with a giant family. This family of mine can make me the happiest girl in the world to the most frustrated.

I find that as I get older my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc… suddenly become real people. For the first time I am privy to their human flaws and my respect for them does not decrease but merely changes. I notice them fighting demons, disease, and each other, and I can only respect that they continue to get together time and time again to support each other in times of need regardless of the mistakes made or gossip uttered behind  turned backs.  My extended family will tear itself to shreds--mutilating any semblance of its once happy façade only to bring the shredded bloodied pieces together in one unionized front for a family member in need and seeing this dramatic transformation fills my heart with a sick pride that such a dysfunctional unit can simultaneously beat each other down and then bring each other up once again.

Sure, the small talk and the smiles are forced and the air is thick with unease…and yes some cousins haven’t uttered words to each other in years but have been in the same room multiple times, but these completely different people with no real interest in each other (other than of course a morbid curiosity) gather to form a unionized front.

It is oddly comforting that all of these people, the ones who love me and loathe me showed up for my wedding and will most likely show up for my funeral…only because we share a bit of DNA and a lot of respect.

Bravo Familia…

And so it begins...the first cold of the season.

Ah...nothing feels more like Fall than the crunching leaves on the ground, the sweet smell of my Bath and Body Works scented wall flower “Leaves” permeating the air in my apartment and finally turning off the central air. But alas the happy fall moments soon turn to despair when my nose begins to drip and I am puking in the bathroom.

 Not only does my ailment cause me pain and suffering, but it also leads people to think that I have conceived a child, because apparently any person who throws up, is of child bearing age, and is not drunk must be pregnant. However, I am not pregnant (someday soon I am sure I will announce differently, but right now my womb has a VACANT sign flashing).  I find it funny because as we speak my dear sweet husband is saying that this blog entry will definitely jinx us, but I plan on taking my chances, and my wonderful, yet baby crazy, mother  is “liking” the hell out of every baby comment made on my Facebook page—which is actually a step up because at least she isn’t stopping people in the grocery store to tell poor strangers that she is switching my birth control pills with sugar pills (no joke people she has done this…on numerous occasions), at least I can delete her “like” if I want.

One day soon I am sure my news will be different…but not yet. One must wait for greatness J

Hello Fall…you bring me joy, pain, and rumor control.

Like sand through the hour glass…so are the days of my life.  (Did I mention I am totally loopy from a fever?)

Once upon a time a very neurotic girl began a blog…

Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages (actually I lied this blog is PG-13), I am pleased to present, a blog that will no doubt anger someone in some fashion before I call it quits.  Although this blog will inevitably end because I grow bored or forget my password… I thought I would give it a whirl and attempt  ::gulp:: BLOGGING.

There are a few ground rules I am going to lay down for the few people I know will read my blog (HI MOM)

1. This is a hobby. I will not be grammatically correct.

2. I will probably offend or bore my readers at some point (Deal with it)

3. My favorite piece of punctuation is the ellipses (… ) I intend to use it and will enjoy it often…see I have already started.

Let the blogging begin…